loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
