i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
