I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Less talking, more tequila
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
