Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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