I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You pole danced in your parka.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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