he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
