Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
