my sisters under your porch take her home
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
