he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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