the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize