On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
