No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
