a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
