There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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