God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize