Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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