i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
