After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
