i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
we're so committed to being not committed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
