So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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