Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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