i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
