i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
