Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
