Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
