I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
