If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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