i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
