i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
