apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize