I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
