you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
