OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
