so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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