If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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