She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
