The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
