No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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