i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
