go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
