so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
