I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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