Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
