it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
