I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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