Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
