im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's blow job season.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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