1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Houston, we have a squirter
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
