just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
