need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
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oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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