He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
