Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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