I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
