I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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