I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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