Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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