; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
