She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
