DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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