Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
