My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
