those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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