I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
