I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
