Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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