I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
