No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
