my mouth tastes like poor choices
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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