pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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