I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
