Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
