If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
