the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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