If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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