Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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