Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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