What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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