Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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