I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
